Why Reading Is The Worst Hobby Ever (#Sarcasm)

Reading is a terrible hobby. People are always telling me that I should read less, that it can’t be good for me to spend so much time with my nose in a book. Maybe they’re right. I mean, when you think about it, reading has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. In fact, it might be downright dangerous. Here are some reasons why reading may just be the worst hobby ever and why maybe it’s time I turn in my library card.

1. You might learn something. Heaven forbid you should learn a new skill or fact. It’s far better to either think you already know everything and thus don’t need to know more, or to decide that you know enough and rest on your laurels.
2. It can be done for free. In this world of crazy consumerism, why would you dare go to a library and pick up books for free? You’re not doing your part for the economy, you know.
3. It makes you use your brain. It’s tiresome to think and reading makes you think. A lot. It makes you think about what you’re reading, the facts, people and experiences. But it also makes your brain work just to process the words on the page. Who needs that? It’s far better to just watch a cat video on Facebook and let your brain atrophy.
4. You’ll be exposed to new ideas and experiences. Who wants to be able to see and “visit” places that they’d never get to on their own? Who wants to learn about new cultures, religions, or ways of looking at the world? You’ll be better off if you just stay in your tiny little world and don’t explore anything new. New is dangerous, anyway.
5. It can wreck your body. Poor eyesight, carpal tunnel from page turning, poor posture from slumping in comfy chairs, and accidents from reading and not watching where you’re going are all distinct possibilities. Take care of your body. Play Pokemon on the cell phone or text while driving, instead. Oh, wait…

6. You might miss something important. If you have your nose in a book, you might miss that Tweet or Instagram post. We can’t have that, so you’d better not read lest you miss an earth-shattering update about someone’s kid who just barfed.
7. It takes time. You only have so much time on this earth, so you’d better not waste it reading. You’d better use it watching TV or hanging out on Facebook. Better yet, use your time for something really important like doing nothing at all.
8. You may suffer from information overload. It’s possible that a book may blow your mind. You may learn so much that your head literally explodes. Better not risk it.
9. It might reduce your stress. We’re all supposed to be completely stressed out and loving it. Heck, in some circles, people fight for the honor of “Most stressed.” Why risk lowering your stress level and possibly losing out on that award?
10. It’s addictive. The more you read, the more you want to read. That’s bad. It could land you in some sort of treatment facility.

In case you haven’t figured it out yet, this whole post was meant to be funny. I won’t be giving up my reading hobby until I’m dead. Until then, I’ll take my chances with the terrible, life-endangering aspects of reading. It’s worth all the risks.

(Photo courtesy of Oldiefan)

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